How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
warning sign on children's alphabet blocks
Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
Anticipation (may be offensive)
A man notices he is having some very strange medical symptoms, so he goes to the hospital. Tests are run, and he goes home. A few days later, he gets a call from his doctor.
"Doc, finally! Give me the news, this anticipation has been killing me."
"Actually, that's the cancer..."
What do women and Nvidia have in common? (offensive be warned)
They both do not make very good drivers
A Pakistani living in England (offensive)
A Pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human faeces and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down an abandoned road... (somewhat offensive)
and they come across a little boy in the unconscious in the ditch. After thinking for a moment, the Priest says "let's screw him" to which the Rabbi replies "out of what?"
WW2 joke. I read this conversation between two Counter-Strike players ingame...
(I came in mid-conversation and for me it started like this)
Player1: I cant believe your nick is Jewhunter, that's so offensive! My grandparents were in a concentration camp during the war.
Player2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather died in a concentration camp.
Player1: My god that's awful...
Player2: Yea, he fell down from the guardtower.
Player1 has left the game
An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.
It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.
When will the madness end?
Offensive NFL joke. Trigger Warning: Terrorism/World Trade Centre/Religious, anybody who is offended do not open this link
I'm really worried about Tim Tebow taking over the QB position. The last time anybody that religious had control of the Jets 9/11 happened
Offensive (possible repost but I made it up myself)
A pedophile drives up to his friend in a van and says "I'll trade you two fives for a ten".
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's balls… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
You can explore offensive vulgar reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean offensive offend dad jokes. There are also offensive puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Did you hear about Richie Incognito?
I heard he's an offensive lineman
What's the most offensive jokes you guys have?
What's the most offensive jokes you have ever hear
A short, crisp, Christianity joke Which I promise is offensive in no way.
So it's early in the morning and the married couple wakes up, both ready for their morning coffee, but none of them are willing to do it. So the wife say's to her husband, " You know, the bible say's that men should make the coffee." Curious the husband asks why and his wife replies "*Hebrews*"
So I was walking outside yesterday(potentially offensive)...
when I saw a black guy with a TV. I was shocked, and I rushed back home, thinking it was mine. But luckily, it was still there, shining my shoes.
Offensive Joke: The principal of my daughter's elementary school wanted to talk me about her behavior.
Apparently she was making racist remarks towards the black kids in her class and insulting them.
I must say I am terrified and very disappointed, she isn't even allowed to talk to them.
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive)
Alien vs. Predator
Irish wedding vs. Irish funeral (Possibly offensive? Naah...)
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.
I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes...
My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.
What do you call a 5 year-old with no friends? [offensive]
A sandy hook survivor.
My friend and I were walking down the street the other day when we saw a young black man running past with a TV. "That looked just like mine!" I exclaimed. We immediately rushed home to check but everything was fine, mine was still polishing my shoes.
[NSFW/Slightly Offensive] What is the best thing about having sex with a Transvestite?
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.
*This is my first post here, and I hope I didn't offend anyone too much. I heard this joke in a pub in central Australia and found it way to funny.*
Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than Hitler? (OFFENSIVE)
Because they actually managed to end a race.
What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter
Harry got out of the chamber.
I was going to be a quarterback for Halloween at work...
...but my boss said we couldn't be anything offensive.
What is the difference between American teenage girls amd Muslim teenage girls? (Offensive)
American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.
This might be offensive, but what do you call a jewish pokémon trainer?
What do you call a gay Frenchman?
(Sorry if offensive)
Don't compare whales to feminists...
It's very offensive to whales
I want to make a school shooting joke, but that might seem offensive.
I think I should aim for a younger crowd.
Post your most offensive joke? Sure.
Whats the worst part about being a black jew? Having to sit in the back of the oven :D
I identify as counter strike,
and I find this globally offensive.
Why are the twin towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
[offensive] Why didn't Hitler become an artist?
Because he hated mixing colors...
What do the twin towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.
Offensive joke I thought of in class
Me and my friend were talking about the last time he has to work at his job.
"Yeah my last day of work is September 11"
I reply " Yeah that was a lot of other people's last day of work too"
[Offensive] Adolf visits the concentration camp and asks a young boy how old he is
"I'll be 6 soon!"
[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust?
Orange Jews from concentrate
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Don't even try and tell me that joke was offensive. Atleast it wasn't a blind joke. I can't see how those are funny.
The term 'Grammar Nazi' is outdated and offensive...
...we prefer to be called the Alt-Write
[Offensive] An old man and a little girl walk into the woods
An old man and a little girl are walking in the woods on a dark night. The little girl turns to the old man and says "im scared". The old man looks at the little girl and replies "... youre scared? I have to walk back alone!"
I tried to start a religious social media page called Faithbook...
...but it was deemed offensive by the American Lisp Association.
[Offensive] Whenever I think about Will Smiths son...
I wonder if black kids really are worse off without fathers.
Jokes that say women should stay in the kitchen are so offensive...
How else are they supposed to clean the rest of the house?
(Offensive) You know why americans lose every game of chess?
Because they start with two towers missing.
Told my boss he needs winter tires
Got fired. Apparently that's something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.
Sorry- that's a little offensive.
Did you hear about what happened to the really offensive joke about cows?
Did you hear what happened to the really offensive joke about tall grass?
The idea that women only belong in the kitchen is dated and offensive.
The rest of the house needs cleaned too
The Washington Redskins finally decided to drop their offensive name.
Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The Redskins." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.
Apparently calling people terrorists if offensive now.
Ive been told the correct term is government contractors.
Why are Hindus so friendly?
They don't have beef with anyone.
Sorry if this terrible joke might be offensive.
Please stop calling Donald Trump an idiot.
As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.
Have you heard the one about the dwarf who abuses his tall wife?
It's a little offensive.
But a real knee slapper.
People need to stop calling me "Karen" It's so offensive.
Me: That's fine we'll go back to what we used to call you.
Me: You're welcome, Bitch.
TIL the term "cannibal" is offensive.
They prefer to be called "humanitarians."
I have a decent joke about a cow but it's pretty offensive so I'll probably need to take it down
Everyone keeps on complaining about my offensive jokes but,
whenever I make fun of mute people they don't even say a word!
*MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE* Why do women fart less than men?
Because they don't keep their mouth shut long enough for the gas to build up.
Don't joke about the war...
I told my friend that my grandfather died in the war.
He said "I am sorry to hear. How did he die?"
I said "One night there was a drunken party, and he fell off a guard tower!"
An old man sitting behind us interrupted. "You shouldn't joke about these things. It's offensive. My father actually died in the war."
I felt really bad, and apologized. "You're right it was insensitive of me. I'm sorry about your father, how did he die?"
He replied "One night there was a drunken party, and he was walking past a guard tower..."
(Possibly offensive joke?)
Not a single adult gets my school shooter jokes. I guess they're aimed at kids.
What's the most offensive fish in the ocean?
The trigger fish.
Most people think incest jokes are offensive
But I find them to be family friendly myself.
My aunt's parrot can say over 30 phrases, but each one is offensive and belittling.
I say parrot, it's actually more of a mockingbird.
Fake out clean jokes
Some of my favorite jokes are ones where the set-up sounds like it's going to be offensive, but the punch line takes it back to clean town. My top 3 examples:
I like my email passwords like I like my ladies... Same one for the last 10 years.
If it wasn't for the Arabs, we'd have never had 9/11! We'd have had IX/XI.
What do you call a black guy on the moon? \*delivered with a bit of disgust\* An astronaut, you racist!
Any others like this?
A guy told his friend "do you want to hear an edgy joke"?
His friend started laughing immediately.
"Hold on," said the guy, "I haven't told it yet. You don't even know if it's going to be funny. It might be offensive."
"I'm sure it's going to be funny" his friend said, still laughing. "I've always had a sixth sense of humor."